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by Darthblack Wraith Thu Mar 26, 2009 4:45 amOk. I've been working on a novel for sometime now and I was kindof hoping I could get your guy's opinions on it. Um.. here's the first part. It explains the creation of the world my characters live in. Like their origins or more accurately the origin of the gods or deities that created them.
Night. Day. Darkness. Light. Kuroryuken. Ranamaythiun. Female. Male. Behold the origins of all things in Gaia. For as it tis told, tis how it came to pass.
And thus it was that Darkness turned to Light and spoke, “Behold us two. Supreme creators of the Night and of the Day. But how wise is it for us to transition from one extreme to the next?”
And thus Light replied in turn, “Nay tis not wise thus we shall create four in our image to rule four stages of time and four provinces of Gaia.”
And thus Dawn and Dusk were created to balance the scales predetermined by the Day and the Night. Thus the Day was born through Dawn and dies through Dusk only to be reborn the coming Dawn.
Darkness and Light look towards one another and nod imperiously to the other at their accomplishments. And thus the four stages were created as were the four primal elements. But Darkness and Light noticed there was no predetermined lands for the four stages to rule that befitted their elements nor the beings they commanded. Thus they turned to the Twilight stage of the West, Eypheariya the Shimmering Life Giver and uttered, “You with your powers of the Earth shall grant this place life.”
And so it twas. But Fiereya the Gilded Chaos Bringer, ever the jealous sibling of the Northern Night, destroys that which Twilight created in a blazing inferno of destruction. Outraged Darkness and Light turned to Fiereya and rumbled fiercely, “Why hast thou done this act of destruction beloved son?”
Thus Fiereya responds in turn, “Behold nothing would grow on the land that Twilight hath bestowed upon Gaia. Best to destroy the dead and start anew.”
Thus Darkness and Light turn to the stage of Day who hath providence over water and of the South beseeching him to bring about a vast amount of water to rejuvenate the world. But Aquioria the Catastrophic Surf Bringer replies in turn, “Nay. I cannot bring about that which you require when the clouds of the skies prevent me my powers.”
Thus Darkness and Light turn to the Dawn of the East. Wielder of Thunder and of Rain and of the Storm. They cry, “We beseech you Thunderia the Apocalyptic Storm Bringer. Release your hold and rejuvenate the world that was.”
And Thunderia the Apocalyptic Storm Bringer rumbled in turn causing the very sky to shake and Earth to tremble, and thus he replied in turn, “And what does thou offer me in return?”
Darkness and Light look between each other and replied in turn, “Respect and that you command both the sky and the water. Fire and the Earth. Thou with your power to scorch the Earth in brilliant light and set the land ablaze and the power of controlling the water from the sky.”
And Thunderia rumbled and replied in turn, “The deal is done and the bargain set.”
Thunderia called unto the sky and it crackled with light and with sound that shook the inner core of every being and the rain drenched the Earth. And Eypheariya pounded and bellowed in joy as all that Twilight created was born anew. Thus when jealousy strikes Night the cycle of death and rebirth shall begin anew and thus is the tale of the creation of Gaia.
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The four beings refer to Earth, Fire, Water, and Thunder (the storm). And they are:
Thunderia the Apocalyptic Storm Bringer-- Thunder, Wind, Water, and the Storm. Given Providence of the Eastern Lands. Takes the form of a Golden Dragon the Stage of Dawn. (Impending Birth)
Aquioria the Catastrophic Surf Bringer-- Water and Providence of the Southern Lands. Takes the form of a Sapphire Blue Dragon and the Stage of Day. (Life)
Eyphearia the Shimmering Life Giver-- Earth and Providence of the Western Lands. Takes the form of an Emerald Green Dragon and the Stage of Twilight. (Approaching Death)
Fiereya the Gilded Chaos Bringer-- Fire and Providence of the Northern Lands. Takes the form of a Ruby Red Dragon and the Stage of Darkness. (Death)
Kuroryuken-- Darkness, Female, Night, Death, Great Creator
Ranamaythiun-- Light, Male, Day, Life, Great Creator
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I color coded the different replies so people could understand which dragon said what. I would really appreciate feedback. =) Suggestions are also welcome and highly appreciated.
The Great Creation
Night. Day. Darkness. Light. Kuroryuken. Ranamaythiun. Female. Male. Behold the origins of all things in Gaia. For as it tis told, tis how it came to pass.
And thus it was that Darkness turned to Light and spoke, “Behold us two. Supreme creators of the Night and of the Day. But how wise is it for us to transition from one extreme to the next?”
And thus Light replied in turn, “Nay tis not wise thus we shall create four in our image to rule four stages of time and four provinces of Gaia.”
And thus Dawn and Dusk were created to balance the scales predetermined by the Day and the Night. Thus the Day was born through Dawn and dies through Dusk only to be reborn the coming Dawn.
Darkness and Light look towards one another and nod imperiously to the other at their accomplishments. And thus the four stages were created as were the four primal elements. But Darkness and Light noticed there was no predetermined lands for the four stages to rule that befitted their elements nor the beings they commanded. Thus they turned to the Twilight stage of the West, Eypheariya the Shimmering Life Giver and uttered, “You with your powers of the Earth shall grant this place life.”
And so it twas. But Fiereya the Gilded Chaos Bringer, ever the jealous sibling of the Northern Night, destroys that which Twilight created in a blazing inferno of destruction. Outraged Darkness and Light turned to Fiereya and rumbled fiercely, “Why hast thou done this act of destruction beloved son?”
Thus Fiereya responds in turn, “Behold nothing would grow on the land that Twilight hath bestowed upon Gaia. Best to destroy the dead and start anew.”
Thus Darkness and Light turn to the stage of Day who hath providence over water and of the South beseeching him to bring about a vast amount of water to rejuvenate the world. But Aquioria the Catastrophic Surf Bringer replies in turn, “Nay. I cannot bring about that which you require when the clouds of the skies prevent me my powers.”
Thus Darkness and Light turn to the Dawn of the East. Wielder of Thunder and of Rain and of the Storm. They cry, “We beseech you Thunderia the Apocalyptic Storm Bringer. Release your hold and rejuvenate the world that was.”
And Thunderia the Apocalyptic Storm Bringer rumbled in turn causing the very sky to shake and Earth to tremble, and thus he replied in turn, “And what does thou offer me in return?”
Darkness and Light look between each other and replied in turn, “Respect and that you command both the sky and the water. Fire and the Earth. Thou with your power to scorch the Earth in brilliant light and set the land ablaze and the power of controlling the water from the sky.”
And Thunderia rumbled and replied in turn, “The deal is done and the bargain set.”
Thunderia called unto the sky and it crackled with light and with sound that shook the inner core of every being and the rain drenched the Earth. And Eypheariya pounded and bellowed in joy as all that Twilight created was born anew. Thus when jealousy strikes Night the cycle of death and rebirth shall begin anew and thus is the tale of the creation of Gaia.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The four beings refer to Earth, Fire, Water, and Thunder (the storm). And they are:
Thunderia the Apocalyptic Storm Bringer-- Thunder, Wind, Water, and the Storm. Given Providence of the Eastern Lands. Takes the form of a Golden Dragon the Stage of Dawn. (Impending Birth)
Aquioria the Catastrophic Surf Bringer-- Water and Providence of the Southern Lands. Takes the form of a Sapphire Blue Dragon and the Stage of Day. (Life)
Eyphearia the Shimmering Life Giver-- Earth and Providence of the Western Lands. Takes the form of an Emerald Green Dragon and the Stage of Twilight. (Approaching Death)
Fiereya the Gilded Chaos Bringer-- Fire and Providence of the Northern Lands. Takes the form of a Ruby Red Dragon and the Stage of Darkness. (Death)
Kuroryuken-- Darkness, Female, Night, Death, Great Creator
Ranamaythiun-- Light, Male, Day, Life, Great Creator
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I color coded the different replies so people could understand which dragon said what. I would really appreciate feedback. =) Suggestions are also welcome and highly appreciated.
